The Chinese have a saying: ‘May you live in interesting times’. Many people may not know that it was actually meant as a curse. My life has been both cursed and blessed, certainly more than most people’s lives.

People who know me can testify to the fact that I can be a generous, charming and caring individual. People who know me very well would not disagree with this but they would also attest to knowing a darker side to me – a person of dark depressive episodes, gross manipulation, deceit, severe lack of empathy, of hateful and cruel – even devilish – words and deeds.

Most physical problems are fine to discuss. Mental problems are sadly not to be debated in our society – even with a doctor it’s difficult. Many who knew and know me have long suspected or were convinced that I have a mental problem. I knew it myself too. I dismissed my dark moments, my cruelty, putting them to the back of my mind. I thought I could control it. I could not.

In December 2008, following a life-changing incident and connected circumstances, I was diagnosed by a specialist as having a personality disorder called Cluster B. Having read up on it, the person who knows me best, my ex-wife, informed me that I’m a ‘classic Cluster B’. I didn’t choose it but I did choose to ignore it and not get help earlier in time to stop the collapse of my nuclear family because of it.

Slowly but surely with medication and support from caring individuals I am getting better. The light at the end of the tunnel is but a small shaft but it is there.

When someone is in the darkest, most difficult time of their life (as this is), following a life-altering episode, once the dust clears, the people left standing by your side to support you truly are the ones that mean the most. At a deeply trying time when others, like vultures, sought to benefit financially or punish me, or simply desert or demonise me because of my illness, a select few stood by me, not condoning my behaviour – just supporting the good they know is in me. I’d like to thank M.M., Uncle P., Auntie M. & Uncle G. and P.E. I’d like to apologise to all the people whose lives I have affected in detrimental ways. If it gives you comfort, the fact is that in the final analysis I have lost the most.

God Bless.